Starr: Love That Transcends Space and Time
I knew nothing of the unconditional love that mirrors God's grace until I became a client with Avail at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. The advocate who first spoke with me posed a simple yet profound question that shattered the ice around my decision regarding my unexpected pregnancy: "What are you afraid will happen once you become a mom?"
My response was immediate and filled with fear:
“I dreaded the thought of becoming a single mother, stripped of my career aspirations and dignity, caught in the stigma of being an unwed mother.”
As my advocate held space for these fears and as I sat with my concerns, desires, and dreams, I found the courage to carry to term. Avail supported me with emotional, spiritual, and material resources as I moved to be with the father of the baby in Texas during the pregnancy. Then my daughter Heavelynn was born, and I entered a new phase of motherhood.
While I fell in love with being a mother, I entered a dark period where it became clear that Heavelynn’s father was abusive. So in 2021, to protect my daughter and myself, I fled to Ohio, where I felt a sense of safety. However, I was still experiencing victimhood, looking over my shoulder and having nightmares of my ex finding us. During this time, I depended on Avail for a listening ear. The veteran advocates and mothers helped me through that time, guiding me through my first mom jitters and validating my fears while encouraging me to trust my maternal instinct and take pride in my ability to protect my daughter.
Motherhood from Afar
In 2023 those fears intensified when my daughter, Heavelynn, was placed in the custody of her dad. He withheld visitation and access, and for eleven long months she was missing.
She was only two years old.
Those were the most painful days of my life. Initially, I hadn’t thought I would fall in love with motherhood. Yet now I felt deep pain as I missed the warmth of her snuggles, folding her clothes, and her laughter in the adjacent room. The heartbeat of her presence was gone. During this difficult time, meeting with Jaqueline, the spiritual chaplain at Avail, was incredibly helpful.
“In those sessions, I was reminded that I continued to mother my child spiritually even if I was physically far from her.”
During the tumultuous legal process, Heavelynn was extradited to Texas under court orders, and I knew I needed to be wherever she was, even if I wasn’t with her. So I relocated back to Texas, which was incredibly hard. But Avail connected me with other moms in Texas, including a veteran mama and a newer mom facing custody litigation. These women called me, prayed for me, and showed up at court hearings with me so I wouldn’t be alone.
Reunited At Last
The prayers and advocacy finally broke through the darkness of injustice, and just this past April, Heavelynn and I were finally reunited. I immediately reached out to Avail to share the joyous news. Their presence throughout my journey has transformed them into family.
As I look at my three-year-old daughter now, I am immensely grateful for Avail's foundational support—an open space to confront my fears and choose the right decision, not one coming from a wounded place. Those fears still linger, but Avail’s unwavering encouragement through my advocates has been transformative, helping me believe in my divine gifts as a mother.
After fleeing an abusive relationship, Avail stood by me, offering both spiritual support and practical assistance like the Lend-a-Hand grant, allowing me to work while managing childcare. Avail was a steadfast ally, teaching me that the power of motherhood transcends physical presence.
“Avail embodies the essence of community, offering gentle, available support to mothers like me navigating through the fire. Despite my daunting transition from New York to Texas, knowing Avail would remain by my side provided me immense peace. In this new state, I’ve connected with other supporters on behalf of Avail, making this experience feel more like family than just an organization.
Avail is not just support; it’s a village that nurtures and empowers.”
Help women like Starr find a village of support.