Làn + Manuel: Beautifully Unexpected
When Làn found out she was pregnant, she had lived in America as an international student for ten months. Originally from Thailand, she had met Manuel while both were in Laos. She was there for work, and he was traveling for pleasure after taking a break from fifteen years in his first career. They met at a coffee shop and immediately could tell something was special. “You can't make that stuff up,” Manuel says as he recounts their storybook relationship.
Feeling Paralyzed and Overwhelmed
Manuel describes his reaction to finding out that Làn was pregnant as being “in a state of mini-shock.” Làn felt the same way—paralyzed and overwhelmed. “I didn't know what to do really,” she remembers. “I'm an international student here, I don't know anything about New York.” Neither were ready to talk to their families about the situation, not when they didn't even know what they thought about it yet. Like most people in a crisis, Làn turned to the internet. “I started Googling different solutions to deal with pregnancy,” she says. “And that's where Avail came up.”
So they made an appointment at Avail and showed up together. Làn went in feeling deeply uncertain about her decision and her future. She recounts how she felt: “I wasn’t sure with my decision, and I needed someone to talk with who I can trust. I tried the first appointment and I felt like, oh my God, I found someone to talk about the problem that I still don’t know how to talk about with my family. I cannot tell my friends, like there’s no one I can tell it to.” But when she sat down with an advocate, that changed.
“Now there’s someone I can trust, and whatever my decision is, they won’t judge me. And they always support me by asking me questions so I can think and can make the decision clearer. And whatever I decide, they’ll stay with me and support me through that.”
Just What They Needed
Meeting with advocates at Avail was exactly what they needed. Manuel remembers, “Somebody spoke with both of us, and they kind of eased any tensions and doubts that we did have at the time.”
Avail gave them a place to express the many emotions that arise with an unexpected pregnancy, and it grounded them as they figured out what to do.
“We were both full of emotion. It was somewhat of a rollercoaster ride. We were happy, and we were scared at the same time. We didn’t really know how to deal with the situation since we were first-time parents. So as Làn said, finding Avail was really a blessing for us. I’m very grateful that Avail offers the services it offers.”
Làn and Manuel started going to regular meetings with their advocate. Sometimes Làn went by herself so she had a space to process things that she wasn't ready to share with Manuel yet. She had the space to just talk, and her advocate helped her by asking the different questions, like why she was struggling with different aspects of the pregnancy or what she worried about. After she had a chance to talk and process, her advocate would connect her to relevant resources.
Some of Làn’s biggest concerns were financial. As an immigrant, she didn't have health insurance, and she was overwhelmed by all the supplies she would need coming from diapers to a stroller. She explains, “I came here to study. And I'm from a developing country. Everything here is already so expensive. How can we afford a baby? And with the baby, of course, I will not be able to work. And we never had an intention to have the baby anytime soon so we never prepared anything.”
But as she participated in Avail’s pregnancy and parenting classes and earned points, she was able to receive the material support and educational help she needed.
The support didn’t end there. Làn and Manuel laugh as they recall, “I remember asking my advocate, once we have the baby, you're not going to leave us, right? I was so worried. She said, no. That was a great thing. Even though he arrived, you cannot get rid of us. And we were like, that’s a relief.”
Their little boy is a charmer with a shock of hair that has its own personality. Làn describes motherhood as a balance between missing the freedom of her old life but cherishing what’s special about this season. She describes who she was before: “I was still a person who focused on career, an independent woman. You know, you can buy everything you want. Live the life you want.” Things are different now: “Now just you’re a stay at home mom playing with him, caring for him all day and night. Sometimes I still feel like I miss my previous life. But sometimes I look at him and I'm so glad.”
“I kind of felt like something was missing, but I just didn’t know what it was. And now that I have this little human being in my life, I feel so blessed and so happy.
To have the ability to lean on Avail and look towards Avail for information and moral support and resources, it definitely made us feel much more comfortable starting a family with a child.”
You can help parents like Làn and Manuel find clarity and confidence amidst the unexpected.